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It totally saved my ass!
At the wholesale show, I had brought my all in one scanner/printer and fax machine with me so I could give customers copies of their orders and print out more order forms if I needed too. I don’t like using the fax machine part because it ties up my home phone line.
I had a vendor contact me over the weekend because she could not for the life of her remember what she ordered and she lost her order form and there were some additional things she wanted to add to her order if she hadn’t already!
Not a problemo! I scanned alll the pages of her order,which makes a digital image copy onto a memory stick and I was able to e-mail her the documents all within an hour of her calling me. She was beyond thrilled with how efficient that went and had thought that it would be a real mess with faxing or my having to re- type everything out for her!
Technology is awesome.
I’m trying not to think about this being the 2nd valentines day without Glen, but it dawned on me this morning that it has indeed been two in a row now.
I’m not a big one for holidays anyway, they’re just another day. I’ll get an extended valentines vacation in just 17 days.
Last night I picked up some movies for the girls (and some for me!) and a Valentines Day Cake which we enjoyed completely! I also got the girls supper from KFC last night cause I was too lazy to cook.
Tonight I’m making a curry or stew, I don’t really know which. Its in the crock pot already, so I guess we’ll see what it grows into by supper time!
Morgan and I are working on a science fair project that she has to submit for tomorrow. She’s doing it on Volcanoes! Exploding mess and all! She has it painted and is mad at me because I can’t seem to make the color brown from the primary colors. Oh well, I did explain that some volcanoes are black. It’s hard to not direct her too much in creating her project, we researched volcanos and I started asking her basic questions “Where are Volcanos found”, “How are they formed”, “What is an eruption”, What is Lava” etc etc. So, she gets an idea now. She was all about the “eruption”.I don’t blame her, that’s the cool part.
Seemed to be an appropriate word for the title of this post.
With the emergency in Haiti, it looks like Glens tour may be extended by three months.
The rotation that was suposed to replace Glen is in Haiti, they were at “high readiness” when the earthquake struck so of course they responded immediately. If they remain in country for more than 60 days, then their rotation is canceled and the next tour begins their pre-deployment training. Looks like the next rotation and Glens will be extending their stay in the middle east. I feel bad for Glen, the temps are already approaching the 50’s during the day. Wonder what it will be like in the middle of August.
I understand completely, but I don’t have to like it.
Gonna suck that he may not be here over the summer. I was really looking forward to spending time as a family exploring the east coast with our new tent trailer (we don’t have one yet, but we’re saving!). Maybe the girls and I will have to go on a road trip of our own, explore PEI or Cape Breton. No camping though, not without the free labor.
As with all things military, we’re in a holding pattern. Just one more thing to add to the pile of stress.
So, last weekend didn’t turn out to be a bust after all, apparently the buyers didn’t feel the need to place orders until the last hour of the show. Made for a great ending to the trade show let me tell ya!
It’s been an incredibly busy and stressful week. I came home from the show and put everything away. Then dealt with several online orders, cleaned, did laundry, did more cleaning, and started making lists of the crap I have to buy to fufill my wholesale orders.Family went home on Wednesday. They come back in just 12 days, and frankly I can’t wait for it! My FIL will be looking for things to do, boy do I have a list for him!
The most exciting prospect is potentially getting a large wholesale account in one of the largest gift shops in Nova Scotia. The buyers concern is that my price points are a tad high for her store. She knows what price soap moves for her, in her store. I told her that I’ve seen the soap in her store, and it is nothing like mine. She agreed. I’m thinking of sending her an e-mail offering a no risk deal. To let me stock her store with my most popular soaps, and give it a trial run for a few months, if the stuff moves to her satisfaction, then she can buy the stock at wholesale price. If it doesn’t, I will remove my stock, and she can pay me 70% of the purchase price (basically a commission on her end) on what was sold. Completely risk free for her.
I’m now gearing up for my trip overseas, the countdown is on! We’re starting in the UK, and will be moving onto France to investigate many of the Canadian landing sites and memorials. It’s going to be a very emotional trip, for a whole bunch of reasons.
I’ve been reconnecting with lots of family, family that I’ve been estranged from since I was a child. It’s pretty nice. A little awkward right now because it’s so new. But at the same time, I like knowing where I come from, I like knowing my history. Whats even weirder is actually meeting people here (specifically a wholesale customer) who had business dealings with my great uncle! How small is this world! I loved hearing his stories about what kind of man he was. It made me proud to know that there was such a savvy business man with high ethical standards in our family.
Last thing of note, I’ve started a new blog. The content isn’t really appropriate for here. It’s about dealing with loved ones with schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder. I’m actually hoping to connect with others that have dealt with these issues in their life, and how they have handled various situations. If anyone wants the link, you can e-mail me, or leave a comment here and I’ll send it along.
Ever wake up in the middle of the night, try like a bugger to get back to sleep but you brain won’t settle into a nice relaxing pattern?
Yeah, sucks don’t it?
So, it’s three am. It’s day three of the Wholesale Trade Expo here in Halifax and I have to be up in 5 hours to get ready to go do the last day.
To say that the show is a huge bust would be an understatement.
This show is normally held on three levels. This year it’s on two. The bottom level is pretty empty of vendors. The buyers coming through, are sparse. They have little badges that tell us by color who is a guest, who is a buyer and who is a vendor. ALL the vendors are complaining about how slow it is, that usually the aisles are packed with buyers. It’s a sign of the economy.
Many vendors who have done this show for many years are doing well, getting lots of repeat business from their regular customers.
I have gotten one new account. ONE. And the order that they placed is half my minimum wholesale account set up.
I have had many people stop, take samples, take my wholesale forms and walk away saying that they will be in touch. But the likelyhood of that happening is pretty slim. I mean hey, if you’ve just grabbed 5 or 6 samples, you’d want to cover your ass too with false promises too.
I promised myself that I would not get discouraged. I promised myself that I would look at the whole thing with a positive spin that I would remind myself that many sales DO come after the show. That this is part of doing business, that being a new vendor at the show is a lot like doing farmers markets, you have to make your presence known because buyers dislike fly by night businesses.
But, after talking to vendors, they are all split on that. Some say, that 100% of their sales come from the show, others tell me that they only do about 35% of their sales at the show and the rest follow.
Right now? I just want to pack my shit and go home. Rethink this whole business thing.
I’ve busted my ass for the last month and a half to get ready (even longer as I’ve been preparing for it since August). I’ve dropped a LOT of money (thankfully the business money, but now it’s broke too) into this hoping that I would come out on the other side in the black.
I just am seriously at the point of throwing in the towel.
I have so much time, blood, sweat and tears invested into this business, coupled with getting ripped off by customers, and being taken advantage of by greedy show promoters that I am just exhausted of chasing that dream of having a profitable business.
I did up my taxes, and while my numbers look really awesome, my expenses really really hurt. My actual take home was pathetic. I may as well have gone to work at Zellers.
BUT. I think that things happen for a reason a lot of the time. There was a woman that I was set up across from at the Acadia Craft Show last November. Her and I got talking and she put some ideas in my head about pursuing a different path. One that will give me a regular paycheque, and an actual career that doesn’t involve kissing ass all day long.
She happened to show up at this show and the first thing she asked me was “when do you start!?” She, by all rights should not have been at that show. And there she was, reminding me of those conversations. She has been in the back of my head for the last two months and I’ve told her as much. I’ve been waiting for this show, to see how it went before I made any rash decisions about the future of the business.
I sent her home with lots of goodies, cause I’ve got a ton! I thanked her from the bottom of my heart, told her that our conversations last November had really inspired me, that I was waiting to see how I did at this show before I truly committed one way or another.
And there she was, she showed up when I was at a really low point in my day, to cheer me up. Sometimes, things just happen for a reason.
I made it 18 days of sugar free living, lost some weight, felt great, it was awesome!
Then, via MSN today, the husband tells me that he had to travel into Kandahar, Afghanistan to do some military stuff over the span of a few days. He neglected to tell me this, because he didn’t want me to worry. I called bullshit, that he is my husband and I’ll fucking well worry about him if I want to, I do anyway, even where he is because he isn’t 100% safe.
So, all of a sudden the urge to eat crap was overwhelming. I wanted nachos. Nachos with 7 layer dip (this must have cheese, guacomole, tomatoes, onions, salsa and sour cream). The store didn’t have any, so I settled with salad. Yeah, I don’t know how my brain works either.I will be exceeding my standard carb count today, and I can say honestly I don’t give a shit.
Don’t need any more proof that I’m an emotional eater. That pretty much sealed it.
I am also planning on dipping into the booze heavily. The children aren’t even in bed yet and I’m on my second shot of baileys. Will be drinking some harder stuff later. Yes, I am horribly irresponsible.
I’m also preparing for a damn snow day tomorrow, there is more than 2cms in the forecast, which means that the entire province shuts down. Meh. Wimps.
I just hope I have enough wood for a few days.
I got the last of my labels formatted and printed by the printers, they look really good. Glen is working on my order forms cause he’s good with stuff like that. I need to make some massage bars and lip balm. Then after they get labeled and packaged, I’ll package some soap and bring in my soap stand to start my pre-display set ups. This is where I set up my tables like I will at the show, take pictures on my phone and figure out if there is anything missing. Likely, I’ll be missing signage. I hate signage. I really really hate signage. Can’t you people tell what things are by reading labels? Or just reading my fucking mind?
I mean seriously, did I mention how much I dislike signage?All the little finicky signs that try and convince people to buy my stuff and hawk it in their stores!
About the only other thing I need to do is perfect the order forms, get large pictures printed, buy some fishing line to hang my big pictures around my booth and then have a gigantic freakout on the scale of a supernova.
Freakout is obligatory.
In the middle of all that, the MIL and SIL are kindly coming down to take care of the boogers while I promote my business in Halifax. The buyers that will be there are from all over Canada and the Eastern US seaboard, so, again with the freakout. I’m so lucky to have family willing to bend over backwards for me. I felt bad for asking, they even told me to keep the airfare money and spend it in France with Glen. I was totally going to pay for their ticket (well, my SIls ticket – I figured I’d spend the same amount on childcare anyway, so I may as well ask the SIL to come hang out with her favorite nieces!)
I’ve spent 800 bucks on this table, with the expectation that I get some wholesale accounts out of it. Talk about pressure.
Thats my next hurdle. Then, its work on the orders that come out of it, and from there, go to France and make like bunnies for two weeks.
Five weeks from today, I’ll be on the ground in the UK, likely in a coma due to jetlag. But I’ll be with Glen.
Twenty weeks from today, he should be coming home. If of course the horribly cruel rumor going around is incorrect which states that they wont be home till Mid-July.
You’ll be able to hear my temper tantrum from where you are if that little gem is true.
I’ve been trying to explore my feelings more. Go to those uncomfortable places. I’ve been taking chances with people. It’s scary as shit, but also….starting to get a little easier.
I’ve had a situation, well, not a situation, but I guess more of an event. A simple one really. Someone offered us supper. In their home.
For most this would be a welcome invite, for me, it caused some internal drama.
My first instinct was to turn her down, not wanting to put her out. I don’t know why, maybe it’s that wall that I tend to walk around holding. But I resisted the urge, and accepted the invite.
How fucked up is it that a simple act of kindness makes me feel awkward, like I don’t deserve it? Like why would anyone in their right mind want to spend time with me and the girls?
I felt a bit awkward at the kindness. The genuine kindness. No strings, just wanting the company of me and the girls. Really wanting to be with us, not because they wanted something, not because they were putting on a show, but a true desire to be part of our lives.
It was a simple meal, baked chicken, veggies and rice. It was lovely. It was relaxed, it was wonderful.
Oddly I’m uncomfortable with kindness like this. She wanted to invite us over because she knows that I’m on my own right now and would like the break from cooking, and to have other adults there to entertain the kids. It was a kindness that I almost couldn’t comprehend. It hurt so much, I almost cried, that simple kindness.
The girls loved them, it isn’t the first time that they’ve been around these lovely people, it made me wish that I could be as carefree as they are. I think it’s because they’ve never been hurt. They’re still too young, unscarred by life. They’ve never put themselves out there wholeheartedly only to have their heart shredded and handed back to them in pieces.
I need to put my own trust in the girls. They give their hearts so freely to these people, maybe I should too. They don’t lavish love and attention on just anyone, it seems that they instinctively know who to take a chance on.
I need to follow their lead a little bit more and accept love and genuine relationships into my life.
That’s what gets me, when the kids are in bed, asleep.
No way to talk to Glen because he’s 8 hours ahead of me right now, and likely just thinking about getting up to start his day.
By the time the void really starts to bother me, it’s too late. No one to talk to anyway, friends have their own family, their own problems. They don’t want to listen to me whine. I don’t even want to listen to me whine. Family?
So I whine here.
I’m tired of doing everything on my own. I’m tired of feeling so very alone in the world. I don’t like this feeling. I get restless, I feel twitchy, I feel aimless.
Drama Queen, thy name is Jennifer.
I wish I was one of those people who was good around other people. I wish I could look at the phone and not think of all the reasons why I should NOT pick it up and call someone. During the day, the kids are underfoot and it’s impossible to talk on the phone, then after they’re in bed and settled, it’s either too late to call or I start making excuses as to why I shouldn’t pick the phone up.
Time for bed. I have a monster book out from the library, and need to get through the behemoth.
We’re 25% into this deployment and it’s really starting to wear.
I’m tired of feeling that I’m on my own.
I’m tired of people asking how I am, with the expectation on my part to say “Fine! Great! Wonderful!”
We military wives are supposed to be made of tough stuff. To put our lives, careers and everything else on hold for the sake of our husbands careers (which I resent completely).
I think I’d make them uncomfortable if I collapsed on the floor in a heap of tears.
I’m tired of feeling like I *have* to be that perfect person, that perfect mom, getting on the eldest to do homework, piano lessons, chores. The youngest has preschool and her plots to wreck havoc, destruction and mess wherever she goes. Then there is the household stuff, cleaning, laundry, groceries, cleaning, bill paying, cleaning, cooking. Bach.
It’s on me. All of it. And it SUCKS ass.
No help. No support. No one to talk to. This shouldn’t be a new thing for me, I’ve been on my own since I was 14 basically. But I’ve always had him.
There is someone who is bringing in wood for me, thankfully, because I can’t haul 60lb totes of wood down steep stairs and into the basement. Even that, I feel guilty asking him to do this for me. Like I’m a failure for not being strong enough to do that. When you go through a tote a day, relying on wood for heat gets old quick.
I can’t sleep, because the youngest has staked out approximately 85% of my bed every night at about 1am. If I take her back to her own bed, she’s right back there within 20 minutes. She’s a bed hog. I spend the rest of the night clinging to the side of the bed with her squished up against me on the other side.
Our grand plan of video conferencing using Skype died a horrible death. Apparently there are so many people using the base WiFi to download whatever (porn) that it’s causing major slowdowns. I am irrationally angry about this. Everyone on that base was told to NOT download things off the internet, yet they do. That means our method of communication is through MSN or the telephone. Glen can’t type worth shit, and I have to try and be available to him in the middle of the day in case he logs in, when he’s allowed online that is. When there are “incidents” they go into communications lockdown for who knows how long. Oh, and patience? Pfft. He has non. Logs on…”are you there” and doesn’t even allow for pee breaks or dealing with children or even just being away from the computer. Then he’s gone. It’s hard when it’s one sided, on his terms.
I’m done. I really want him home. I want things back to normal.
At no one in particular.
Just kinda having one of those, annoyed at everyone and everything kinda days.
Annoyed with the military because they have the slowest mail system to deployed soldiers on the planet. I could have driven the packages over there by now.
Annoyed with people who can’t or won’t take responsibility for their actions.
Annoyed with seemingly smart, articulate people that everyone loves, who when faced with statistics and research that actually contradict the bulldog like stance they’ve taken on a particular issue, completely ignore said research and plod on spouting shit that is blatantly false. That really irks.
I’m feeling anxious again, I haven’t been taking my vitamins, so I’m feeling the effects of that. I started again today when I was cycling between feeling ok and on the verge of tears/anger/rage.
I’m getting ready for a major wholesale trade show at the end of the month for the business, and I seriously don’t know what I’m doing.I don’t even know if I WANT to move the business ahead into the wholesale world. I think I may be afraid of success. On the flip side, afraid of failure.
What I want:
Work that pays, it’s one thing to do something that you enjoy, but when it doesn’t pay the bills? *sigh*
Work that promotes continuous learning.
Work that promotes healthy living.
Work where I can use my damn degree.
What I need:
To feel valued
To receive moola for my hard work (yeah, thats twice I’ve listed that)
To live a healthy life
To get rid of my sugar addiction (and in preparation of this, I am systematically eating all the sugar laden crap in the house, I’m taking one for the team). I hope to start low carbing it in the next week or so.
Oh ya, and I want my husband back. He’s been gone for 5 weeks now and I’m really missing him. To the point of pain.
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