It's just not christmas

Someone is missing.

Glen has been gone for three weeks now, and we’re all feeling the hole that he has left in our hearts.

Spending time with his family here in Edmonton, while great for the girls, is also a painful reminder of his absence.

His parents and sisters are an awesome distraction for the girls though, there is nothing better than family for that I think. At least for them. I’d rather have my husband and my family whole. I’m sure they’d rather have their dad too, but in the meantime, grandparents and aunties giving them their undivided attention is a good thing too.

I have all these things that I have to do to get ready for the wholesale trade show in February and no drive to do it. I’ve paid 800 dollars for a table at the stupid thing so I can get some wholesale accounts, and I’m really rather blah about it.

I’ve also had some “long time in coming” realizations that have added to my funk in a way. It was my own stupidity to cling to certain ideals.  I had already been told the truth of the matter many years ago, and I didn’t listen. My mistake. This time I listened, and listened very well. This made some of my own decisions a lot easier, so really, it’s a good thing.

I do have some things to look forward too,  we have made tentative plans for me to go to France to meet Glen in March. Everything though is still up in the air. Which drives me nuts. I’m a planner, so that makes it hard. At this point I think the plan is that we meet in France, rent a car and tour around to the Beaches of Normandy, Mont. St. Micheal, Carsaconne and maybe the south coast of France. We only have two weeks, so there isn’t a lot of time.

When Glen gets back we plan on buying a tent trailer.  Depending on how much Glen spends in the shopping capital of the world that is. We may not have any money left!  Glen will have the better part of  two months off when he gets back, so we were thinking of camping across Canada to visit his parents out west. I’d personally like to stop in Ontario so we can take our girls to the Royal Ontario Museum, Marine Land and the Ontario Science center. Given the amount of time we’ll have off, I think its do-able.

No one really accounts for how hard this is on Glen. Everyone is all concerned with the family and the wife, but there isn’t a lot of focus on the serving member and how they are feeling. He’s a strong guy, but very family oriented. He’s really feeling it.

Oh, and I got a tattoo! I’ve wanted one for about 15 years and I finally found something that appealed to me on several levels.

It represents two things, the first is the most obvious, my beleif in evolution. This is the Darwin Fish (vs the jesus fish) with the word evolve inside, written in such a way that you can read it from the top or bottom.I kinda wanted to get the flying spaghetti monster, but I’m afraid there are even more people that don’t know what that is.

Evolve

The second idea behind the word evolve, is a personal one.

I’ve been through so much in my life. I beat the odds. I survived. I literally evolved. I went from a co-dependent, fraidy cat who was afraid to say shit if her mouth was filled with it, to the pain in the ass that I am now.

I evolved. I have been set free from some of the shit that has held me down for so long. I’m not going to let any of it affect me anymore.