Behaviour Modification for Grown ups

I’ve read that a huge roadblock in changing your spending habits, is to change your behavior. You can plan out the wazoo to reduce debt, build a savings account  and plan for spending, but if you don’t change the behavior that got you in shit to begin with then you’re going to wind up back at your starting point. It’s only a matter of time.

Trying to change impulsive behavior is a bitch. And currently I have the impulse to beat the crap out of my husband. I feel like a controlling asshole. It seems that lately I am constantly saying “where do you plan to get the money from?” and “NO! NO! NO!” I feel like I’ve been the one doing the changing when it comes to money, and I don’t like it!

At one point if we needed or wanted to buy something, we’d go buy it and worry about it later. We treated credit like free money, like it didn’t need to be paid back at some point. Oh how that came back to bite us in the ass.

Now that I’ve got a somewhat firm grip on the finances, and am currently splitting up the business and household spending, I’m getting frustrated by my husbands attitude.

Within the last two days he has merrily spouted off all these things he wants. He wants a new computer bag (I asked him what was wrong with the two we have), he wants to go buy some wood to make a tackle box holder (I asked him when he was planning on going fishing again), he wants to buy a wood stove  reflector and thermometer, he wants to renovate the bathroom, he wants to finish insulating the garage, he wants to build a deck out the front of the house, he wants to rip out the carpets and put in hardwood, he wants to buy a tent trailer and last of all, he wants to put winter tires on the van.

The tires we can do, we’ve saved money for that! I planned on that expense!

While he’s spending all this imaginary money, I’m trying to get the last of our debts paid off. I tried to discuss how I feel about his “planning” at lunch time and I really hope that it’s getting through to him.  I asked him to make me a list, with some estimates. I’m trying to explain to him that these are things that have to be planned for. He does get it, I know he does, but it’s hard to really “reset” your thinking when it comes to money. Hell, my first impulse is to run out and get it too, but I have to stop myself and think “well, if we didn’t have credit, where would the money come from?”.

Within the last year or so, I’ve been following the blog of Gail VazOxalade, she has planning tools available on her website to build budgets and to get an idea of what your debt is costing you. Her blog is filled with insightfull, no nonsense writing about debt and how to get out of it, stay out of it and start planning for the future. She actually is the host of a popular show called “Till debt do us part”. I’ve loved watching her for years. In the beginning it was a schadenfreude kind of experience then I started to see myself in many of the stories.

One cycle that we would always get stuck in, is not having any planned or emergency spending set aside.  When something came up, as it always does, we’d use credit to get us through. Sometimes it would be urgent, sometimes we just thought it was.  Then we’d have to pay off those cards, so we wouldn’t have any left over for emergency savings again! And all over again it starts.

I made it a priority last year to start saving 50 bucks a week. No excuses. 50 bucks transferred out of our account every Monday and into an ING direct account. After a while we started to have plans for that money. Nothing fancy, a new garage roof for starters, then winter tires for the van.

Now that I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m starting to get Glen excited about the PLANNED spending, how good it will feel to save all year for that tent trailer. Or how great it will be to have money in the emergency savings for when the hot water tank blows up, or when one of our cars needs some new part.

Until then my only goal is to get to “the end of the month before I get to the end of the money”.