Full Circle.

I’ve written a lot on here about my mother, mostly in the lost data base.

We haven’t spoken in over three years, it was her decision. I guess she didn’t want to communicate through the written word anymore, and I stood my ground when she decided to push my boundaries by calling me. So, contact was lost.

Her loss really.

I was recently catching up with my aunt, who mentioned that my grandmother had begin to miss her daughter, as my mother had also decided to cut off contact with her sisters and mother around the same time. Last year she decided to call and suggest that they drive up to where my mother is now living for a visit. All was well on the phone, she was receptive, she was looking forward to it, it seems like there would be some healing from all of this.

Then, a week later they received a letter from my mother. There were accusations about my aunt sleeping with my mothers ex-husband, that on their last visit her private letters and pictures were stolen, that there was some “sabotaging” going on….of what my aunt didn’t go into, things being broken into etc. She rambled on with her acusations, her version of reality was quite different from theirs and they were both left hurt, shocked and out in left field.

She ended the letter with an invite to stay at the local hotel, and she may even invite them over for supper one night.

I said (and I quote) “Welcome to my world”.  I explained to my aunt that behavior like this from her was an every day, even every hour occurence. I hate you….don’t leave me…worship me….I love you….you’re a bitch and I wish you were dead…..you can’t even try to kill yourself right…nobody wants you….only I could love a horrible person like you”.  I could hear all that within the day.

No wonder I was so fucked up as a kid. Who am I kidding, it’s only within the last 6 years that I’ve put up boundaries for my children sake. Parents protect their children, my kids will not learn to walk on eggshells around the very people that they should receive unconditional love and acceptance from.

Needless to day, they decided not to go visit.

She apparently called them about a week later apologizing for her letter and saying that she wanted them to come up, sweet as pie.

They declined.

This is really typical Borderline Personality behavior. The “I hate you…..don’t leave me” senario. It causes confusion and hurt with those people that are close to them. Enmeshment can occur, with people close to BPD’s, their children, siblings, spouses, parents, to the point where they cannot see that they are victims of such verbal and emotional abuse. Their self worth is gone and is tied up into the emotional roller coaster of the other persons life.

It’s come full circle now. I’m no longer her victim, so she is trying to “hoover” my grandmother and aunt back into her life, only to abuse them and push them away again at some point….. and then try to suck them back in.

Again, anyone stumbling across this blog, I write about living with the BPD parent in more detail somewhere else.

If you want the link, comment here and I’ll send it, or e-mail me directly.